An Overthinking Writer
Sometimes the story reflects something important back at us, the process revealing more of ourselves than expected. Lessons can be found everywhere. The question is, are you listening.
Well, hello there. This is awkward, well, it is for me a bit. I had zero intentions of writing a blog for this site. None whatsoever but here we are! Stranger things have happened, so I’ll cut to the chase. I ramble a bit in these and I’m long winded or so lots of people say. Most of these will be written by Tilly, (me) and I’ll be sharing things like my current thoughts on my process. Or things I’ve learned along the way as I’m writing my first novel. Other times I might share my recent reading endeavors, or other randomness that I think could be interesting. So, without further ado I’m jumping into this thought I’ve had all day about my status and the place I’m in as I revise my heart out.
Seraphim, a Trials of the Outborn book is my first novel. I started it over two years ago and have worked on it off and on depending on my mood. I’m an emotional writer and often flit from project to project, following the flame of my inspiration or maybe it’s where my muse decides to run off to? Hmmm… I’ll have to ponder that for a bit. Either way, I’m working away on it now. The light at the end of this tunnel is in sight. I’m nearly done revising and polishing it up enough for beta readers to sink into it. And today, there’s just been an overshadowing cloud looming in my mind as I contemplate a few scenes that I’m revising.
You see, I’m an overthinker, that’s important to note- and I’m having an odd sense of reflection as I review the story in front of me. During one of my over-thinking stewing episodes, you know the kind where everything is just junk and you hate everything you create and imposter syndrome sinks its claws deep into your skin…. yea that. Well, I deleted, no, I removed a huge chunk of my story. I cut it out of the document and removed all matter of things relating to that chunk and pasted it into a random document on my computer. For safe keeping of course. Why did I do this? Well, I’ll tell you, because I was convinced my story had “too much.” “Too much” detail, “too much” mentions of Enoch or demons or angels or whatever. I was convinced it was all just “too much.”
Tell me you were told you were “too much” growing up without telling me… I’ll wait.
So, my overthinking, conditioned mindset, mixed with imposter syndrome that’s common among creatives and add a little anxiety or a lot…. and you have a writer of a novel that struggles to reach completion. You have me. It’s me.
Guess what I’m doing today… ? I’m going back and adding everything I took out. I’m reworking those things in and remindng myself, that it is not too much. Can some stories need thinning out? Absolutely. Can there be too much detail? Heck yes! Only you know how your story goes. How did I figure out that my story really needed those details put back in? I started to feel like there was somethings missing from it. I started trying to create different little twists, little things that might add interest. And then the light bulb went off today…. so now I’m adding those things back in.
All in all… know yourself. Trust your voice and intuition. I could’ve saved myself a lot of work had I not given into the anxiety, the over-thinking, the unhealed wounds and left my story as is. But this is a learning process, there’s no shame here and I’m not sorry for what I’ve done in the past and where I am now. This is all part of the journey. Will I carry this lesson into future novels… YUP! And that’s what this is all about. And that my friends is where I am with the novel. I’m sitting at 108,532 words and I’m not done revising and don’t get me started on underwriting, then overwriting and word counts! Another topic for another day!
If you know how this feels, have been there yourself or might be going through it right now… you’re not alone. Feel free to drop a comment below and let me know how you handle these things or how over-thinking manifests itself in your writing. Thanks for stopping by and reading, and good luck on your goals whatever they may be!
Oh! And drink some water and get some fresh air. Your soul needs it! Talk to ya later! - Tilly